Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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