I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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