Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
she looked like the before picture.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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