ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
