he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Tornado booty call.. dedication
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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