Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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