Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize