I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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