Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
