Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Actions speak louder than pants.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
