He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
