The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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