I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
