I met the friendliest cop last night
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
