Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
