TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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