I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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