Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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