considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
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