im six kinds of drunk right now
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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