the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
