i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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