Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
