How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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