I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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