I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
