She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
