So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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