Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
