i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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