ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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