We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
she looked like the before picture.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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