Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
