i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
