There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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