How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
