you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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