I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
