i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
