I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
