Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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