Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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