Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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