My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
