I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
