he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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