you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
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