Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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