i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
