were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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