Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize