Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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