I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
