I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
