She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
