I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
