as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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