he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
