my room smells like sperm. sweet.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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