Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
They are going to name an STD after you.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
