how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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