i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
