My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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