eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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