She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
