Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
