Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I think I won the penis lottery.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
