were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Blood and glitter go together right?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
