ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
