Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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