saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
